Temperance Brennan's Perfect Murder
by etakkate
Summary: Temperance Brennan plans the perfect murder - one we may all be quite pleased with!  Send-up about Hart - if you don't like season six - you will love this fix!  One happy one-shot!  Please read and enjoy!


"So, Bones, how's your perfect murder coming along? Got anyone in particular lined up?"

"I have a couple of prospective targets. I am currently in the process of assessing my options..."

Booth looked at her with furrowed brow, slightly put off by her seriousness.

"So... what are you doing now, Booth. Now that we have solved the case, shall we celebrate?" Brennan gestured towards the Founding Fathers, "Give in to nostalgic pleasures? My shout."

Booth rubbed the back of his neck, and shook his head disappointedly, "Nah, Bones, I gotta go home and, you know, _do_ Hannah... _again!"_

Brennan shifted her weight from one foot to the other anxiously, "Yeah, I know... pretend that you are over me and all that."

"Yeah, look, Bones, I don't like it anymore than you do, hey? We just gotta ride it out. Hart will realise once he sees the ratings halve that we are meant to be together. We just gotta be patient."

Anger rose in her belly (metaphorically), "Well, that's easy for you to say, Booth! You get to _ride it out_ satisfying your biological cravings with an aesthetically pleasing; ideally proportioned... _female_ who is statistically in the prime of fertility, and despite the irrationality of it, the fact that she is blonde just makes me feel like regurgitating!"

"Nice mental image there, Bones."

As an afterthought she added, "And_ I_ am meant to like her? She took my sunglasses, Booth! Like a spoilt child! Who does she think I am? What if the ratings drop so much that they have to cut the show before we even _get_ together? Then I shall be doomed to live a sexually unsatisfied life till the day I die! With my organic diet and regular exercise routine, Booth, that's likely to be many, many years from now!"

Booth sighed and raised his hands in surrender, "Well, what do you want be to do about it, Bones? Put a bullet in Hart's head? I hardly think we have any choice in the whole script writing thing!"

Brennan looked at him, surprise written all over her delicate features, "You were thinking that too? I am so relieved that you're on the same thought channel Booth. I was going to refrain from saying anything because, well, I know how you feel about taking lives. However, I'm _truly_ flattered..." a crooked smile graced her lips as she looked up at him shyly, "You'd really do that for me?"

Dumbfounded, he managed a strangled, "What?"

"Well, I have worked out a preliminary outline of execution..."

"Are you saying what I think your saying?"

She looked at her partner as if he were stupid, "Despite my many talents, I am afraid brain reading isn't one of them, Booth."

"Capping the big man?"

"No, I do not want to _cap_ _the big man_! Why would you suggest such a thing?" Brennan wondered how Booth could get sun protective head gear out of _murder_.

"Phew!" Booth laughed, ran one hand through his hair and pointed at Brennan with the other, "Oh, you had me going there for a second, Bones!"

She looked at him, brows creased in an expression of complete confusion, "For all my genius, I am completely perplexed."

He pulled her into a tight hug and kissed her temple, "Don't worry 'bout it Bones. The only bones I wanna bone are my Bones' bones!"

A flirty laugh escaped her throat, as he walked her to her car; her perfect murder slipping from her mind, "Very amusing Booth. That was a very amusing play on words!"

"Don't I know it!"

* * *

The mysterious and worried set of eyes watched the partners meander through the night. He thanked his lucky stars that, for all his alpha male sexuality, Booth really could be dense sometimes. Just as well, he thought, as he pulled out a notebook and pen with shaking hands. At the top of the page, he scrawled,

Note to self (to keep thyself alive): 

Season Six - Episode Ten - Hannah leaves Booth for the Caribbean with Agent Sullivan.

Send Temperance a bunch of flowers... daffodils and a thank you (for not killing me) note.

Give Temperance her sunglasses back.

**Gah! I am sooo depressed with this season - I can't get my mojo back! Anyway, I needed to apply stupidity to the angst to make myself feel a little better. I hope you enjoyed - please let me know :)**

**Take care! Kate :)**


End file.
